I wrote Human beings aren’t machines. Know your limits. as a Facebook status update on Thursday 3rd April 2014 at 15:57. This was after my two days rampage of deleting roughly 200 albums off the site, and when I thought ” You know what? Enough is enough. I need to move on.”
I suppose I had seen it coming. While being in university since 2008 and finally sitting for my last examinations in November 2013, I also kept myself busy volunteering or interning somewhere else. Don’t get me wrong. I had many opportunities to apply what I learnt in school, I was thrown into many interesting situations, I met many fascinating characters and for most parts, the circumstances I was in led me to get myself involved with lots of wonderful projects. I have to admit along the way I did step on a few toes and burned a few bridges, but on the whole I did have an exciting life outside of school. However, like I said, I had seen it coming. I was getting myself involved with so many things, a few at the same time, that when I finally graduated and told myself “Gosh, that was some crazy period. I need a break. Like go take a long three months holiday,” I just couldn’t actually take a break. I found myself moving on from one activity to another and it got so overwhelming it came to a point where I just dreaded it. I turned up from work or meetings on the dot, or 10 to 30 minutes later, I did not reply to Emails, WhatsApps or Calls. The past week, I shut myself off from most contacts.
Aside from being attached to wonderful organisations who are doing meaningful work, and who have taken steps to nurture and groom me, when people ask me “Is this what you want to do?” I find myself keeping quiet because as much as I feel like I am with the right organisations, I am not sure if I am really in love with what I am doing. I believe in their causes, and that is why I chose to be with them, and doing what I can to support them. But do I love my work? I am not so sure. To be honest, up to this point, I still have not found that spark, that moment in life, which talks to me saying “This is it!” And it dawned upon me how mechanical I have made up my life to be. I had the habit of accepting what was given to me and just do it. That habit turned out to be not-so-good for me at all, because now it is making me feel mentally and physically tired from all the activities, and I feel childish because I know I could have prevented this feeling of dire if I had just said no to some of it earlier. This coupled with the personal dissatisfaction that I want to have a proper rest, and take a break from this community for a while have recently made me quite an unhappy person.
M, who has known me since March 2011, reminded me yesterday if I had listened to the audiobook he shared with me over Dropbox; David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
..GTD is the work-life management system that has helped countless individuals and organizations bring order to chaos with stress-free productivity..
..GTD enables greater performance, capacity, and innovation. It alleviates the feeling of overwhelm—instilling focus, clarity, and confidence.
There’s 7 folders in there, and each has about 18 to 37 short clips. I should probably be listening to that over the weekend.