19 Jan 1989 and Numerology

The other day, I met up with Jen, Tien, and Timmy for dinner.

Among others, I shared what Brenda told me at the Tarot Card reading session, and that it felt aligned with what the two guys at SRRFM read about me.

Jenn shared more stuff about my Life Path and my Birth Date, and I can’t help but resonate with the description.

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Calculate Your Life Path https://www.tokenrock.com/numerology/life_path/

Just use the calculator, it’s easier.

Mine is 11.

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More about Life Path 11/2 http://astrostyle.com/numerology/master-number-11-2/

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More about Life Path http://veastrology.com/lifepath11.html

I kept going “yes yes yes” on this one.

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Birth Date 19 http://www.karmakastle.com/Number19.html

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And a good reminder by Jen: It’s what you’re born with. Not your destiny!

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From the book Star Signs by Linda Goodman.

Since my Birth Date is 19 And my Name Number is 21.

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Mama’s 1 year.

Mama

8 Jan 1961. 1.45pm.

7 Dec 2016. 8.27pm.

Me

19 Jan 1989. 12.28pm.

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It’s 7 Dec 2017 today.

So many things have happened since, I don’t know where to start.

The advocacy stuff is mostly on Facebook.

Personal stuff is verbalized to some friends.

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On 3 Dec on Facebook I wrote:

Roughly two weeks ago at a workshop, the speaker was quoting someone else: When the line between work and passion crumbles, only then is life more meaningful.

Last Thursday at Green Drinks I had a Tarot Card reading done, and Brenda shared next year will be a busy year for me (among many things; like.. Lastrina you have a strong character, and will do well in non-commercial spaces.. You’re creative, and I don’t know what or how, you need to explore that. And that I had a life changing moment past two years and my next milestone is in the year 2025.. And like.. I need to go meditate or pray to my God. And all this was said without me sharing anything). Brenda also asked me to pick one of two decks, and from there she selected a card for me; the Speaker card came up- my life’s purpose is to speak. (And on this note; after getting 2 readings done at Singapore Really Really Free Market previously, and getting the Hathor card during the ‘meditation’ session with Ms. Faizah, I really think there is some truth to all these readings, vibes, and Universe thing).

Today in the ferry back to Singapore, Janvie says: You know, we’re never really busy. It’s just that our schedule is fully booked.

👩‍🎤 rocking things out as long as I can 👨‍🎤

How Lastrina’s brain works.

According to Emergenetics in Aug 2012

(Yellow Conceptual 18%,  Red Social 32%, Green Structural 40%, Blue Analytical 10%)

 

September 2013: In a school assignment.
My MBTI was a ISFP/ISFJ, with equal weight age for P and J.

January 2016: Did a 16Personalities Test.
Your personality type: “The Adventurer”(ISFP-A)
Strength of individual traits: Introverted: 53%, Observant: 63%, Feeling: 61%, Prospecting: 69%, Assertive: 62%.
Role: Explorer
Strategy: Confident Individualism

June 2017: Did a Personality Hacker test.
Concluded as an ISFJ personality.

What does everything put together even mean?

Fun Stuff in Dec 2017

Update. Because. Update.

Facebook is still the best. For advocacy related stuff.

Singapore Youth for Climate Action and #LepakInSG in the news

My SYCA team mate Pamela who is also quoted in the article has a project on going disposables-free in schools that she will be implementing in January 2018. Pamela has achieved some small wins already, and if you know a school or organisation who wishes to be a part of this, contact Pamela directly at XXX

Public Events related to SYCA, #LepakInSG, or Lastrina in general

  • End November to Early December:

SYCA intends to collect feedback from the public for the Public Consultation Paper for Draft Carbon Pricing Bill https://www.reach.gov.sg/participate/public-consultation/ministry-of-the-environment-and-water-resources/energy-and-climate-division/public-consultation-paper-for-draft-carbon-pricing-bill

Technically, anyone can submit feedback online on the REACH website.

SYCA intends to consolidate views from members from the public who may prefer to do it as a collective.

Over the next few days, do look out for updates on the SYCA FB page https://www.facebook.com/sgyouthclimateaction/ for a Google form where you can give this feedback.

SYCA members will also be be attending the Green Drinks Anniversary X on Thu 30 Nov evening, to have conversations with those who wish to chat more. https://www.facebook.com/events/2002187803331099/

Jeremy is co-leading this with Cuifen, and should you have questions, you can contact Jeremy directly at XXX

I’m organising this as part of the Young Southeast Asian Leaders Initiative (YSEALI) #YOUnified week. Free event open to all.

Am featuring 5 speakers under 25 sharing on what actions they’re doing for the environment. The speakers are young. If you are young, old, and any age at heart, just come.

I’ll also be giving updates from my YSEALI regional project, which was ‘birthed’ in Manila last month.

I’m organising this as part of GUILD. Look out for the Peatix registration page soon!

3 out of 4 speakers are more in the humanitarian sector, and our last speaker is a socio-political activist.

When #LepakInSG first started, we only had the online calendar.

Over the past two years, we expanded the team. There’s a team organising the Shopping for Sustainability tour series, and now there is another team organising the IYOR outreach workshops. Our young volunteers are really taking ownership of their projects. Come for the event and see what they are doing.

My Co-Founder Xiang Tian is the overall coordinator for these projects and he can be contacted at XXX

For green events in Singapore in general, check out https://lepakinsg.wordpress.com

You can add in your own events too. Auto-publish within 15 minutes https://lepakinsg.wordpress.com/add-an-event/

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If you’re free and interested, do join in these events? Would love to see you there. Feel free to share these public events with your friends too!

And on this note, I hope you begin to wrap up your 2017 with much drive and fulfillment too.

owl day

today a close friend told me that when he sent me the text: how is Philippines (i was there 17-22 oct), he was actually on the verge of committing suicide.

long story short, the regular me as per usual did not reply to a ‘how are you’ or ‘how is’ message, and the regular him knew he wasnt going to get a reply.

and of course long story short he is still alive. and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. among many things. and i found out only cos we met face to face.

just had this thought of the many things that could go wrong with the many times i leave such texts hanging.

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on a separate note, this website, well at least the blog portion, is becoming a sad place. i think.

the regular environment/ advocacy posts are always up on facebook. i recently made the conscious effort to make those public.

the one-liners are on twitter. i prefer to speak to myself there too.

All Their Songs

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Love Story by Andy Williams

Where do I begin
To tell the story
Of how great a love can be
The sweet love story
That is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start

With her first hello
She gave new meaning
To this empty world of mine
There’ll never be
Another love, another time
She came into my life
And made the living fine
She fills my heart

She fills my heart
With very special things
With angel songs
With wild imaginings
She fills my soul
With so much love
That anywhere I go
I’m never lonely
With her along who could be lonely
I reach for her hand
It’s always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I’ll need her ’till the stars all burn away
And she’ll be there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I’ll need her ’till the stars all burn away
And she’ll be there

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Speak Softly Love by Andy Williams

Speak softly love and hold me warm against your heart
I feel your words the tender trembling moment start
We’re in a world, our very own
Sharing a love that only few have ever known

Wine colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights, when we are one

Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours, and all because
You came into my world with love so softly love

Wine colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights, when we are one

Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours, and all because
You came into my world with love
So softly love

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Moon River by Andy Williams (especially Mum)

Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossin’ you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after that same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the
Bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

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You Mean Everything to Me by Neil Sadaka

You are the answer to my lonely prayer
You are an angel from above
I was so lonely till you came to me
With the wonder of your love

I don’t know how I ever lived before
You are my life
My destiny
Oh, my darling
I love you so
You mean everything to me

If you should ever, ever go away
There would be lonely tears to cry
The sun above would be never shine again
There would be teardrops in the sky

So hold me close and never let me go
And say our love will always be
Oh, my darling
I love you so
You mean everything to me (you mean everything to me)

So hold me close and never let me go
And say our love will always be
Oh, my darling
I love you so
You mean everything to me

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Look into my eyes – you will see
What you mean to me.
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there you’ll search no more.

Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for.
You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for.
You know it’s true:
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Look into your heart – you will find
There’s nothin’ there to hide.
Take me as I am, take my life.
I would give it all, I would sacrifice.

Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
I can’t help it, there’s nothin’ I want more
You know it’s true:
Everything I do, I do it for you, oh, yeah.

There’s no love like your love
And no other could give more love.
There’s nowhere unless you’re there
All the time, all the way, yeah.

Look into your heart, baby…

Oh, you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for.
I can’t help it, there’s nothin’ I want more.

Yeah, I would fight for you, I’d lie for you,
Walk the wire for you, yeah, I’d die for you.

You know it’s true:
Everything I do, oh, I do it for you.

Everything I do, darling.
You will see it’s true.
You will see it’s true.
Yeah!
Search your heart and your soul
You can’t tell it’s not worth dying for
I’ll be there
I’d walk the fire for you
I’d die for you
Oh, yeah.
I’m going all the time, all the way.

Lovehunters – Sambutlah Kasih

Dad spends his night watching YouTube clips nowadays. Especially Rumah Uya, an Indonesian reality show.
Tonight he listened to songs. And closed his eyes on this one. I watched the clip and never realized Lovehunters, a popular Malay rock group active in the 80s-90s did a live show half naked. Like real rockers. This was during their last show at Esplanade in 2011. 
Dad later shared that a long time ago at a Malay wedding, my Mum requested my Dad sing this song. It came out in late 90s. Not sure when he sang this. He wasn’t too confident but relented and she gave him flowers too.
This song, performance, and new found significance, will be at the back of my mind for while.
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Sambutlah Kasih Ku by Lovehunters
Tak pernah ku menduga

Gelora jiwa sesali dada

Aku jatuh dan aku merindu tanpa kepastian

Bagaimanakah nantinya

Aku dapat meyakinkan

Rasa cinta di hatiku

Hanyalah untukmu kekasihku
Mendung dalam sinar matamu

Kenangan duka masa lalu

Kepasrahan…
Tak ku hiraukan panas mentari lagi

Demi cinta kurela menanti

Takkan goyah walau badai kan melanda

Seribu tahun kutetap setia

Lupakanlah dukamu yang silam

Hulur tanganmu sambut kasihku

Mari bersama kita melangkah

Membina cinta abadi

August Updates

Updates from previous blog post

  • 20 Aug: Applied directly to ClimateForce: Antarctica 2018 Expedition. The trip is planned for 27 Feb to 12 Mar 2018
    -> 26 Aug: Got Accepted. I am currently working on fund raising for the trip. Wrote a note on Facebook here.
  • 21 Aug: Applied for YSEALI Summit 2017 happening in Manila Oct 17-22.
    -> Results supposedly out 1 Sep
  • 21 Aug: Applied for CDL E-Generation Challenge 2017.
    -> Top 10 finalist announced 5 Sep. The winner is only announced 3 Nov. (Long story. But can read my FB note above).

Freebies in August

  • 6 Aug: Complimentary tickets from S to watch Jane Goodall. I gave the other one to C.
  • 20 Aug: Complimentary tickets from M to watch Tristram Stuart. This was just a story of kind acts being rewarded. I had earlier received a ticket from GA to go. And S had earlier received a ticket from EG to go. We both didn’t know about it, and separately had passed our tickets to other friends who were interested too- I passed mine to C. A day before the event M contacted to say he had a pair and couldn’t go, and so he passed it to me. I offered it to S, and we were like.. this is the Universe talking right here!
  • 23 Aug: Tickets from M to watch Anthar Agni. I had seen her post saying she couldn’t go, and so I asked for it. I gave the other one to C.
  • 24 Aug: Complimentary tickets from E to watch Kain Chik Dua Mungka. He watched the preview and passed me his event day tickets. I gave the other one to C.
  • 26 Aug: Free seafood box from S. He had contacted me earlier in the month. All I had to do was to review it, and write however I want. I had also requested to visit one of his farms. So I did that, and then had the seafood box. It was good. I have 2 FB updates on this one.

And this is just in addition to all the free food I get from my aunt when I was at my grandma’s place, and when we go out for meals. I lost track of it all.

Job Leads

Things just suddenly took a turn for me this month.

  • 22 Aug: M (different from the above two Ms) asked if I wanted to be her Youth Editor. I have yet to get back to her.
  • 23 Aug: The other M asked me to apply to be a Programme Manager for her organisation
  • 24 Aug: LJ shared something, but I was not familiar with the company and didn’t want to follow up.
  • 26 Aug: J shared her company is looking for an Events person. I liked how it was described and asked to meet her boss next week, before I leave for Malaysia.
  • 28 Aug: Today I met my FA and she suggested something.

Sometimes I feel I am too selective. But then to be fair to myself, I think I know what I want, in terms of preference, and how I see the need to join a company which would be open to having this hippie in it. If not, there’s always the freelancer life.

Stories of Coincidences

  • 24 Aug: Bumped into J and his wife at the shopping mall, and then we realised we live 1km away from each other. // 25 Aug: Bumped into J and his wife at Singapore Night Festival.
  • 24 Aug: I was texting my Singaporean friend now based in Jakarta if we could do breakfast the next day before she goes back to JKT. Separately, my old boss was also texting me to have coffee. Both of them suggested the same place/ and I thought hey, convenience, especially cos it’s one after the other. 25 Aug: Turns out when my old boss came over, he knew who my friend was!
  • 25 Aug: I thought I saw J at Arab Street but didn’t approach her. // 26 Aug: When I met J, we confirmed it was here.

The Tristram Stuart ticket incident was also a coincidence I feel.

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Have you ever felt like suddenly things are moving in the right places for you?

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I went for a Breathing Circle back on 25 Apr, and to wrap up the session, we picked cards. I forgot what mine was called, but I remember it was about “Abundance”. Ms. Faizah asked me what I thought it meant. And I said I was reminded of rice paddy fields, and the idea of having lots of food. And someone mentioned maybe ‘abundance’ doesn’t always have to mean financial abundance, but abundance of love, and energy as well. And I think partly it’s true. It’s happening.

And then on 10 Jun when I went to Singapore Really Really Free Market and had two readings done (I mentioned it briefly in my post titled “Sparrow”).. One was a tarot card reading, and the other was a calculation based on my birth date. The 2nd guy mentioned something like this would be my ‘slow year’ and I’ll get busy next year. I don’t know but it feels that way too.

On 23 Aug, for whatever reason, I was reminded why I have the “Follow your bliss” quote by Joseph Campbell in my email signature. It was because of this story. I cannot tell you enough how much I believe in this story.

BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of… being helped by hidden hands?

JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time – namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.

:

:

Yet it is important to note that following one’s bliss, as Campbell saw it, isn’t merely a matter of doing whatever you like, and certainly not doing simply as you are told. It is a matter of identifying that pursuit which you are truly passionate about and attempting to give yourself absolutely to it. In so doing, you will find your fullest potential and serve your community to the greatest possible extent.

JOSEPH CAMPBELL: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you 

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Since April, when I started to pray regularly, there is a need to recite the Al-Fatiha verse regularly. It’s a simple Surah, with so much meaning. Always ask for Allah’s guidance.

Credit: Shakir Web Blog

Hustler is back! 1st round of shots fired.

I took a quick glance at the blog posts this year, and not really sure if I would recover that fast from my Mum and Granddad’s passing the past 8 months. But I have to say, it has been manageable; hanging out with family and friends help, going out with Cheryl a lot helps, praying regularly helps. Praying calms the soul. There was a period of time I was just reminded of death every single day, and there were nights I cried myself to sleep, I amaze myself at appearing normal in public. Twitter helps too, for the occasional rants.

Anyhow, after spending ~a month at Grandma’s, I decided to go home on 13th August. Though, I’ve to say, I still sleep over, but for short 2/3 days now.

Since then, I have;

  • A bit too much chats about SYCA and #LepakInSG offline and online it got overwhelming.
  • 17 Aug: Applied for a job I want.. I actually drafted something for that job back in May, in between my Jogja and Sungai Tohor trips in Indonesia. I found out there was a vacancy at that place I was eyeing and I went for it.
  • 20 Aug: Applied directly to ClimateForce: Antarctica 2018 Expedition. The trip is planned for 27 Feb to 12 Mar 2018. J said the selection committee will look over it the next few days.
  • 21 Aug: Applied for the #OCBCCares Fund for the Environment training happening on 24 Aug. Application was confirmed the same day. I need to focus and see how I can expand SYCA and #LepakInSG
  • 21 Aug: Applied for YSEALI Summit 2017 happening in Manila Oct 17-22. If I get accepted, online engagement starts 8 Sep.
  • 21 Aug: Applied for CDL E-Generation Challenge 2017. The top 10 finalists will be shortlisted by 30 Aug, expected to present mid-Sep, results released 6 Oct, and winner announced 3 Nov. The winner will win a sponsorship opportunity for the Antarctica expedition. // My eyes are on Antarctica. If the ClimateForce team gets back to me earlier then I’ll start my fundraising efforts first. If I get the sponsorship, then that’s a bonus.

Writing out ClimateForce application and YSEALI Summit essays made writing the CDL E-Generation challenge writing much easier.

  • 21 Aug: I also double confirmed with Yi Han I will be participating in the PM. Haze PEEP trip to Selangor, Malaysia, happening 7-9 Sep. Cheryl is also going, and we are both planning to stay back in Kuala Lumpur till 13 Sep to meet other youth who may be going to COP, and to meet people in the environment sector in general. So yeah. Hello Selangor and Kuala Lumpur in 3 weeks time.

Proud of myself for sticking to the laptop and get things done today.  Especially when I’ve always avoided doing anything on a Monday. Next GTD day on Friday.

Peace out.

Regret is Love Unspent

It was two Fridays ago, after the Friday prayers, that my granduncle, whom I call ‘Tok Busu’, was carried out of Masjid Almukminin. It was quite a sight; after the Friday prayers, quite a number of attendees stayed back for the Solat Jenazah. And later, quite a bit of people rushed to carry his coffin into the funeral van. Maybe it’s something about playing a part in sending someone off to the after life. Maybe it’s the beauty (or belief) of someone passing away on ‘Malam Jumaat’, and being able to have his body pray with the Friday congregation. Whatever it was, I thought that scene was slightly magical. And perhaps, unconscisouly, meaningful for me and the people who knew he was the Bilal there in the 80s.

It was around 1am earlier that day that I realised Tok Busu had passed away. My Dad entered my room to tell me of the news. I then checked my phone and saw that an hour earlier, my aunt, whom I call Kak Comel, texted to say she was on her way to the hospital. I did not think much of then, and just made my way to the hospital with my Dad.

“Die tanye kau kat mane Nor..” (He asked where you were Nor..), my Grandaunt said, upon seeing my face in the ward.

How do I respond to that?

That week, when I returned from my Kuala Lumpur trip on Sunday, I think I managed to visit him twice in the hospital. But not that Thursday night.

It was recorded that he passed away on 14 July 12.20am. 20th Syawal. How many times did I visit him during Hari Raya, other than the 1st day of Raya visit? How many times did I have dinner with him during the Puasa month? How many times did I visit him since he fell sick last August?

I lived with Tok Busu, Nek Busu, Kak Comel, and Abang Yan since young. Nek Busu is my paternal grandma’s younger sister. And I was living with them since I was a baby till I was about two. Apparently, when my mother was pregnant with my sister, decided to quit work, and decided to take me back. But it did not stop me from going over regularly, including my emo-angst primary and secondary school days, when I would get angry with my mum over the smallest things, pack my bags, and go over to their house.

That said, I know, as I grew older, the visits became less; over special occasions, and dinners. Even the last few years, when Tok Busu and Nek Busu decided to organise tours to Malaysia and Indonesia, and invited me over, I declined, because I simply did not want to travel with relatives and the older folks they were having. Where was I on Tok Busu’s last day?

We probably brought back his body from the hospital around 3-4am that day. And long story short, things moved on quite fast, for me at least. From the funeral preparation to the burial to the prayers on Day 1, 2, 3, 7 and now Day 20 on 2nd August. (There’s Day 40 and 100 too before we do the annual ones). Accompanying Kak Comel to the cemetery to put fresh flowers there and accompanying Nek Busu at home- since 14 July, I’ve been spending my time 4 nights here, 2 nights home, 6 nights here, 1 night home, 2 nights here. Sometimes I question if my being here is to make up for all the times I wasn’t.

Things moved fast for me, and I ‘blame’ it partly to the fact that I have been through this back in December.

Things are moving slowly for Nek Busu. She still continues with her daily household activities, albeit alone, because Tok Busu is not lying down in the living room anymore. Each day she says “Hari ni dah xx hari Tok Busu tinggalkan kita. Die pergi jauh dari Nek Busu, Kak.” (Today is the xx day Tok Busu left us. He’s getting further.” I sometimes find her seating at the balcony crying. Today I found her eating the ice cream that Tok Busu usually eats- the old school lime and vanilla flavoured one.

Between my Dad and my Mum, they had about 30 years with each other. Between Tok Busu and Nek Busu, it was 40 years. 30, 50, 70 years.. Would the length of one’s relationship affects how much we grief we have when we lose the other person?

Being here with her, and seeing how lonely one can get in their old age, it makes me imagine what my life would be one day. If I get to live that long. Would I also be receiving daily calls from my two sisters, like what my Grandma and the other grandma is doing for Nek Busu, to check on me, asking the most mundane like “Have you eaten?”.

The past two weeks, I’ve been thinking about my relationships more in general. With my Dad, whom I talk to more since Mum’s passing. With my married sister, whom I didn’t speak to for about 10 years, and only recently, especially with the birth of my niece who is now 3, that I acknowledge her existence. With my two other siblings. With friends- those I make the effort to meetup, those I don’t mind cancelling out on, those I don’t reply to. I question my decision to cut contact with my best friend since junior college days (since 2006) whom in my eyes got too emotional after our London trip in Dec 2015. I question my decision to cut contact with someone who loved me unconditionally, just 6 weeks into it, because I felt I had the other person was also emotional and I had to be practical. (Maybe I just cannot handle emotional people).

Time is just too limited to allow hate or regret enter our hearts.

May I always remember to fill it with love and goodness.